72 This or That Pairs That Reveal More Than They Should

These this or that deep questions work because every pair is a real fork in the road, not a trick, not a joke, just two options that say something true about how a person actually lives. One word is all anyone has to say. The conversation does the rest.

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How to Play

Seat everyone in a circle with no screens out. One person reads a pair aloud, everyone answers at the same time by saying or pointing to their choice, and then anyone who wants to can say one sentence about why. No long speeches, no justifying, no convincing anyone else. Move to the next pair when the energy settles. Print the card decks, cut them apart, and stack them face-down in the middle of the table so the round order stays intact. Six rounds of twelve pairs each, escalating as you go.

Round One: Small but Telling

These pairs sound lightweight until someone gives the wrong answer and the whole room looks at them.

1. Morning person or night owl
2. Coffee or tea
3. Reply immediately or let it sit
4. Make the plan or show up to the plan
5. Window seat or aisle seat
6. Read the manual or figure it out
7. Save the best bite for last or eat it first
8. Arrive early or arrive exactly on time
9. Make the bed or leave it
10. Phone face-up or face-down
11. Finish what you started or quit when it stops working
12. Say it now or think it over first

Round Two: Time and Priorities

Every answer here is a quiet confession about where the hours actually go.

1. More money or more time
2. One big trip a year or several small ones
3. Busy weekend or empty calendar
4. Work harder now and rest later or rest now and work harder later
5. Side project or full commitment
6. Spend on experiences or spend on things
7. Keep up with the news or step back from it
8. Finish the to-do list or let some things slide
9. Cook at home or eat out
10. Long lunch or fast lunch and leave early
11. Reply to every message or protect your attention
12. Fill every evening or guard one night a week

Round Three: Comfort or Growth

The room will split cleanly here, and both sides will think the other is slightly wrong.

1. Familiar or new
2. Same city or different city every few years
3. Stable job or uncertain but exciting work
4. Tried and tested or untested and interesting
5. Repeat a great holiday or find somewhere new
6. Deepen one skill or keep picking up new ones
7. Keep the same close circle or keep meeting people
8. Predictable routine or flexible days
9. Safe choice or long shot
10. Reread a favourite book or never reread
11. Upgrade what works or fix what is broken
12. Push through discomfort or honour your limits

Round Four: People and Solitude

This round is actually asking whether someone refuels alone or with others, and most people have never said it out loud.

1. Recharge alone or recharge with people
2. Deep friendship with a few or wide network of many
3. Live alone or always have a housemate
4. Tell your problems or handle them quietly
5. Ask for help or work it out yourself
6. Big celebration for your birthday or low-key
7. Know your neighbours or keep to yourself
8. Talk through a decision or sit with it alone
9. Be the host or always be the guest
10. Check in on people or wait for them to reach out
11. Say what you feel or let it pass
12. Forgive quickly or need time

Round Five: The Ones That Say Something

These pairs are harder to answer fast, and that is the point, because the pause is the answer.

1. Be remembered or be at peace
2. Know the truth or keep the comfortable version
3. Change your mind when new facts arrive or hold your position
4. Be admired by many or understood by one person
5. A long ordinary life or a short extraordinary one
6. Say the hard thing or protect the relationship
7. Lead or follow a great leader
8. Be right or be kind
9. Make more or want less
10. Leave a mark or leave no trace
11. Regret what you did or regret what you did not do
12. Know how the story ends or live it without knowing

Round Six: The Last Pair

One pair per person, each player writes their own on a card and reads it to the group, so the final round belongs to the room rather than the deck.

1. Love someone who challenges you or love someone who steadies you
2. Be fully known or keep something private always
3. Give more than you receive or receive as much as you give
4. Live close to family or build your own world far from home
5. Change the thing you cannot stand or accept it
6. Take the leap now or wait until the conditions are better
7. Hold on or let go
8. Be the person you are or become the person you keep imagining
9. Make peace with the past or keep trying to understand it
10. Ask the question you have been avoiding or leave it unanswered
11. Stay or go
12. This or that

How to Keep It Moving and When to Stop

The rule that saves every quiet-room game: keep the turn moving before the silence tips into awkward. Read the next pair the moment the last one has settled, even if the conversation is not quite finished. The card deck enforces the pace so no single person has to.

Watch for the moment when answers start getting shorter and people stop looking up. That is the game telling you it is done. Six full rounds is the ceiling, not the floor. Stopping after Round Four with one good lingering question in the air is a much better ending than grinding through to the last card out of obligation.

If the group is small and the energy is still high after Round Six, deal one card face-down to each person and let them read theirs to the table, answer it themselves first, then open it to everyone. That turns a parlour game into something closer to a real conversation, which was the point all along. For a night that mixes this format with other low-key games, the round structure pairs well with what is in these New Year’s Eve house party games or the full 120-question this or that game if someone wants to keep the same mechanic but lighter.

Frequently Asked Questions

How many people do you need to play this or that deep questions?

Three is the minimum because you need someone to notice when the room splits. Six to ten is the sweet spot: large enough for real disagreement, small enough that everyone actually speaks.

Do you have to explain your answer?

No, and that rule matters. Everyone answers at the same time, one word or one gesture, and then anyone who wants to can add a single sentence. Requiring explanation kills the pace and puts quieter people on the spot.

How long does a full six-round game take?

About forty-five minutes if the group stays loose and keeps moving, closer to ninety if the conversation after each pair runs long. Most groups stop naturally around Round Four, which is a fine outcome.

How do you print the card decks?

Print each sheet on standard cardstock, cut along the marked lines, and stack the rounds in order. A thermal laminator makes the cards last through multiple sessions. Thread a binder ring through one corner of each round to keep the sets separate.

Is this game suitable for a first meeting or a new group?

Round One and Round Two work well with people who do not know each other yet because the answers are low-stakes. Start there and only move deeper if the group is comfortable. Stop before Round Five if anyone seems guarded.

Can you play this or that deep questions online or over video call?

Yes. The reader shares their screen with the card deck open, reads each pair aloud, and everyone types their answer in the chat simultaneously so no one is swayed by what they see first. The simultaneous reveal is what makes it honest.